A Broken Soul The Road to Reovery

The Gift Within Us: Laughter & Gratitude

Besides going to my trailer I am generally a homebody. A couple of weeks ago I was out for an evening of fun hoping to run into some friends. I am a social person and very much enjoy the company of friends and unconditional laughter. Belly laughter is the best treatment and it warms your soul. Your heart almost feels warm and your eyes are glistening. Laughter true laughter can be the greatest medicine to a tough day and for others too. Some laughter is just so contagious.

While I was out I ran into an old friend. Her life has not always been easy and she has faced immense hardship. She was happy to see me, but I could sense this inner despair within her. Before my intuition of soul despair, this disability used to scare me. I used to run a million miles a second from a troubled soul, but now I try to understand the circumstances that brought them to such a troubled place and really try to understand their bitterness, sorrow, fear and so many other emotions. Difficult to explain, but I feel this is a gift. A true blessing to look at others to see and sense if they are spiritually healthy. These troubled emotions are not only unhealthy to our spirit they are unhealthy to our bodies. You make think that I am crazy, but I truly believe that many illnesses we bring upon ourselves is because of our spiritual unrest.

After watching my folks die of cancer it just really made me wonder and I began to research a little more. Not all cancer is genetic and we all have cancer cells within our bodies what exactly is the trigger? The scientists have been studying disease for hundreds of years and yet they treat the symptoms of the disease and not the disease itself.

When we get sick we pray to be healed and when our prayers are not answered we don’t forgive God. And then the question is, why have you cast this disease upon me and not healed me? It is at these times in times of sickness you have to reach down into your soul and analyze. I cannot tell you how to heal yourself because if I could I would be famous. What I can tell you is to rid yourself of the dirty toxins within your soul. Don’t hate God because he has not answered you. That is what my old friend said to me when I saw her “I hate God.” When I heard that I felt a sense of panic. Not for myself but for her. I tried to console her and not condemn her. Explaining that there was so many things in her life to be grateful for. Do not focus on the wrongs focus on the rights focus on what you have not what you don’t.

As many of you know my journey of life was quite bumpy, but I look at these bumps as a sign of my strength. Sometimes I wonder if this is a test to see if these hiccups will sour me, but I will continue to be grateful as long as I am able to enjoy each day in good health with the love of my family. I have made mistakes along my journey and have never proclaimed perfection. Man there was even some points in my life that I did not feel the laughter in my belly. I was just going through the notions but it was extremely empty fake not real. I never even knew there was such a thing until I felt the true warmth of laughter. It is never too late to be grateful but part of being grateful is also forgiving others. When you are forgiving of others or yourself you have to mean it in your heart because how can you really feel gratitude if you bear resentment or an unforgiving attitude? You just can not do it its impossible and if you think you can then you are fooling yourself. Only you know what is inside of you and only you know how to change it.

I remember along time ago one of my professor’s had said I was a free spirit and I never really understood what he meant until now. The last year has been an eye opener and I have met so many people of great diversity. So many of these strangers had complimented me for my free spirit and positive aura. They said I was a fresh breath of air, but I soon realized that I had touched them and even changed their thought process. Today even someone mentioned that I should be a spiritual healer that was my true calling. I don’t try it just seems to come naturally. I am blessed to have these people step into my life and give them words of hope when they are needing it. This is in my heart and I suppose that my passion for spiritual recovery and health have changed others. Wow who knew that this turbulent ride would take me to such a precious place.

We all have a gifts and dreams inside of us. We have the ability to define our future by our thoughts and our spiritual health. Life is life but at least we have that blessing. Don’t surround yourself with negativity. It is okay to love and forgive negative people, but you do not have to be around them because if you do then you are letting it in. its easy to get discouraged, but know that it is only temporary and there are much greater things in store.

I am a spiritual blogger and specialize apparently in restoring a broken soul. If you are suffering don’t do it alone. I am especially compassionate about cancer and disease. Please send me a line so I can send you some words of encouragement. youmansjennifer@gmail.com Remember while you face a difficult journey someone else may suffering greater ones.

The Evolution of Changing One's Self

A Leopard Can Change

Today has been exceptionally rough for some reason and although I am the pillar of positive we all have rough days and I guess it is just one of those days.  I always try and see the beauty of the world and the beauty of people, but sometimes the vision can be easily clouded. Have you ever just woke up and thought the world is wonderful, but as the day progresses and the negative annotations you embark upon just seem to overwhelming and almost unbearable.

So many times I have been subject to many judgments by others and to be quite frank it really can get to you.  The sad part about it is the people who are casting judgments have no idea what is in your heart or what your intentions are.  My heart is as big as a Mount Everest I only and always have the best intention at heart, but yet some people think I have some underlying motive for my good intentions.  Is it because perhaps people have their own struggles with good intentions?

Some leopards never change their spots, but some do and it can be a difficult feat to prove that.  People in general I believe can be unforgiving and that is a ritual sin. People do change and if you surround yourself around people that have the inability to accept those changes then perhaps it is time to move on.  Move on to today a future where the past is unknown and the present is real and you are accepted for the person you have become.

I suppose there are always those people that are the ultimate pessimists and fail to see that the glass is half full, or they are always suspicious of people’s intentions.  This is what gets me down.  We live in a pretentious world unfortunately.  Humans put on their happy face say what you want them to hear, but two seconds later they cast some form of judgment and unfortunately as I said earlier I am one of those people.

Today I cried, I cried for my best friend because she is no longer here to give me those words of wisdom.  There is no more ”Jennifer who cares what people think you are wonderful, kindhearted and an intelligent person.”  I sometimes feel lost without my friend the one who always cared and never cast judgments, but ironically she shows up when I need her the most.

When I was weeping today missing her I looked up and there was a beautiful red cardinal on the fence.  I knew it was her and I immediately felt comfort.  She came to me to let me know that she is here and she will always be here in my time of despair.  A smile came to my face and the days troubles just seem to disappear because I knew that despite others feeble attempts to kick me down or throw hurdles in my way she would always be here to guide me out with a positive flare and this friend was my mother.

Life is life and as I explained it can be cruel and unfair, but don’t ever succumb to the evilness,, which sometimes it is easy to do.  Never take evilness over good when the circumstances seem grim.  We are human beings and we all have a heart we all have compassion this is what comes naturally.  Follow your heart and life will never steer you in the wrong direction, but only if you allow it too.

Envision The Harvest

Taking Root in Your Life

When you harvest a garden or a crop you expect your seeds to prosper into a beautiful harvest.  You are waiting in anticipation of the perfect harvest, but soon see that the harvest is riddled with weeds even though you have done everything right.  You have provided the water, soil and the perfect climate and the weeds spring up anyway.

The above metaphor can relate to our day to day lives.  We can go about our days doing the right thing being good to others, but obstacles keep coming.  Similar to the weeds in our harvest we have to know that these obstacles will pass in our lives if we remain faithful and encouraged.  If we let the weeds manifest in our lives, then our crop will never harvest.

I have seen to many times the weeds take root and overcome the crop because the disappointment or obstacles consume us.   Keep positive and hopeful and take faith in knowing that the ultimate harvest is coming your way.

Currently my pasture is flourishing and there is a few weeds taking root.   To many times I have obsessed about these weeds despite the fact that I know the crop is much greater.  It is so much easier to focus on the weeds and let them consume us, but if you focus on an abundant harvest then the harvest will choke out the weeds.  Spend time on the harvest and not on the weeds as weeds manifest and grow and will eventually take over your crop. 

Whatever obstacles you are facing today know that they are only temporary and they will pass.  No garden is free of weeds and it requires some work to extinguish them.  But if you continue to sow and reap the harvest the weeds will eventually die.

Today is a new day; do not get discouraged place your energy in the good and positive.   Stay hopeful watch and see the harvest come to pass.    What does your crop look like today?  You have the ability to change it!

Living a Life Without Strife

Your Life Will Acquire A Windfall Without Strife

Are you living a life with strife?  Strife: Angry or bitter disagreement over fundamental issues; conflict.   It is so easy to allow strife into our lives when things don’t go our way.   Someone may cut you off on the highway and you may feel strife towards the other driver, but the driver that cut you off may be dealing with their own hardships.  They could have a sick loved one at home.  We generally do not know the circumstances of others and what is going in their lives.  The moment we allow strife into our life and our heart is the moment the negativity enters into our immediate future. 

Over the course of my life I allowed strife into my life many times and it was until years later all of that strife unraveled right in front of me.  I can guarantee you that if you wish ill will or negative thoughts onto others it will come back to you in the same form.  I cringe now when I hear people say I hope that guy’s toes fall off because I just know how powerful those negative thoughts can be and what they can do to a person.  Years later you may break your toe, or even worse lose your toe. It will come back one way or another some of us will get it and sadly some us never will.

There are so many people in our world that are perpetual complainers.  They are not happy unless they are complaining about something.  Complaining about the horrible customer service they received, or how the boss was a jerk only to them.   They are constantly a victim and these circumstances seem to only happen to them.  Why is that I always end up with the short end of the stick?  If you keep thinking that way then you will always end up with the tail end of the stick.  We all have bad breaks and sometimes life just does not go according to our plan, but if it was up to us then we would never face diversity in our lives.  Life would be perfect for all of us, but that is not the world we live in unfortunately.

It is how we face the diversity in our lives that define our future.  We need to know that we are not alone and we are not the only ones that face diversity.  There is no need to become angry, bitter and expel strife towards others.   It is real

ly not up for us to right the wrongs and seek vengeance.   We may feel some sense of immediate satisfaction in doing so, but in the end we are only bringing more negativity back to our lives.   It is okay to be upset, angry and disappointed, however we have to know that this is just temporary and if we believe that God has brought us to the hardship for his own reasons he will also take us out of the hardship greater and stronger.   

You see I had some serious doubts about all of this as I had immense strife in my life before.  I wanted vengeance and I was very good at seeking it, but I wanted to test this theory, the Bible theory as nothing was working.  Ultimately the t.heory states that it is not up for us to right the wrongs.  If someone wrongs you let it go I guarantee you will see the wrongs right themselves.  It is somewhat miraculous how it can happen if you just believe and the best part about it all is you do not have to do a thing.   I changed my belief system and I started seeking out God.  I studied his word and his advice.  Knowing that I was not completely perfect and I sinned occasionally, but I repent and knew I was forgiven.

What I have learned, continue to learn and will always learn is that the words of the Bible are both inspiring and loving if you allow yourself to believe it.  It is all how you interpret the words and how these words can have significant guidance in your life.  Especially through troubling times. Sometimes these words will be the only mechanism to survive that hardship. They certainly helped me in one of the most difficult journey’s I embarked upon.  I know that I will face diversity again, but I know that I will come out of stronger wiser and with great prosperity.  Sometimes I believe I am being tested and it is dependent on how I handle these hardships that will predispose my future.

There are the atheists or bible haters out there in the world that would argue my beliefs, but at the end the day it really doesn’t bother me what others think because I try very hard to just not to rebuttal and let it be.  As I said there is no wrong no right just an opinion that is all and it is not up to us to argue others opinions.  I do know that since I have been studying the bible I have had a sense of peace inside that I cannot even verbalize.  I suppose heavenly would the best way to describe it.  Life is not always a smooth sail along the waters and the process to solitude is evolving slowly, but it is evolving nonetheless.  I am so much more peaceful letting most things go. 

What I have learned recently is to let go of the negative influences in my life and move on.  There is no harm saying goodbye to the negative people or circumstances.  Trust me you will be better off and you will notice an immediate liberation in your life.  Unfortunately the negative people seldom see the good in the world. They are too focused on the bad. Rid your life of this conduct because as soon as you cross over to the gratitude side your life will begin to change in many ways.  It is not an easy battle to overcome because our natural tendency is to revert back to old behaviors.  It takes work, but the windfall is worth the effort trust me.

Extinguish the" Why Me" in Your Life

Faith Over Circumstances

Have you ever sat and pondered to yourself why?  Why does this continue to happen I mean I am a good person?  I am humble and kind to others why is it I just can't catch a break?  Why is it that others always seem to get all of the breaks?  The question why is probably the most frustrating question because some of us will never truly get the answer and some of us will spend the rest of our lives trying to figure it out or analyzing the circumstances.

One thing I have learned in my life is that you just have to accept the circumstances and know that the answers will not necessarily land on your lap.  Sometimes you have to embrace the hardships believing that the best is yet to come.  For some this will be difficult endeavor because it is so easy to let life control the now. We get caught up in the now and we perpetuate more negative thoughts.  The more we perpetuate the more we bring negative events to our lives, however this is not always the case.

You could be in the prime of your life and you could have all of the worldly blessings, but in an instance things can change.  Instinctively our thought will take us to the why, but that is when we have to believe that these hardships are only temporary.  I know this may be difficult and at these times is when your faith is truly tested.  It is natural to question your faith in troubled times, but I guarantee that these times are only temporary and if you believe this in your heart then blessings are on the way. 

Both of my parents died young of cancer and ironically it wasn’t until it spread to their brain we knew.  Yes that is right in both of my parents it spread to the brain.  More recently when my mother was diagnosed it was a dark time and the natural thought was why?  No God would do this right?  I truly did not understand and I was caught up in the why for some time. It just did not make sense. I quickly learned that I had to restore my faith that I had moved away from. Life was going great and in a moment it changed.  And I was an example of bad things happening to good people.   So many nights I pondered and when something this life changing happens in your life you tend to just reflect.

So I decided to change my thoughts and although the circumstances were grim I had to believe that this hardship was meant to strengthen me and that I would be blessed double for the trouble.  I know there are some people that think I am crazy and so are my beliefs, but because of my beliefs I have been blessed to have subtle interactions with my mother’s spirit. This has given me a sense of solitude that I cannot even put into words.  The unfortunate thing is if you don’t believe then you will not likely have interactions with your loved ones that have departed earth. (See the link below for signs of your loved ones)  If  I did not have my faith and spirituality I am not sure I would have overcome this! Knowing she is here is a gift.

Why is it when we are in a state of disarray we cry out to God and hope for a miracle, but when our life is going great we don’t?  So many people I have brushed up against in the last year thinks that I am some born again Christian, which I may be, but how many of you have prayed to God in times of need?  I am sure many!  The only difference is I pray now in good and bad.  I thank God for my blessings and believe that he is paving a very bright future.  I am grateful to have God in my heart in the good and the bad and there is no harm to say thank you instead of always asking for something.  God means something different to many of us, but just because I vocalize my faith does not mean I am crazy it means I believe in something!

Psalm 57:1

10 Signs a Loved One is Near

The Road of Hardship That Lead to Flourishment

A Naked Tree Blossoms

Everyone experiences difficulty in life and we all face trials and tribulations.  So many times we get stuck on the now and the why and we are not able to move forward and change our thinking.  God would not put us into a situation if he did not want for us to come out of it bigger and better.   We have to have that trust in our hearts that he has a divine plan for us.

I know some of you may be in a terrible state of mind currently.  You may have lost a loved one, lost a job, fighting an illness or about to lose your business.  It is easy to go sideways move away from your beliefs dwell upon everything that seems to be going wrong in your life.  You have to rise up to a higher place and see the bigger picture that your destiny has in store for you.  If you lose trust and faith then you will remain in the rut you are in now.  Believe that your circumstances will change and the God has a plan for you to prosper.  Once you change your thoughts your change your outcome. 

Sometimes even though you cry out for God’s help you may not receive the help instantly, but be patient and know that you will weather the storm soon and during these dark moments remember to remain humble and kind.  Sometimes these troubling times are a test of our faith and how we react to this difficulty.

Anyone who knows me knows that 2015 was a very difficult year for me in fact I think it may have been the most difficult dark time in my life.  I had always prided myself as a strong faithful person.  I often bragged about my strength and that any situation that was thrown at me I could handle, but I guess I was not as strong as I boasted about.  I was confused, angry and feeling overwhelmingly helpless.  My mother was dying and I had lost my job.  This was a difficult cookie to swallow.

Have you ever been swimming and playing and someone keeps dunking your head under the water and you are fighting for air? This is how I felt, eventually the horseplay ends and you are able to breath safely again and all is well, but for me I just could not seem to get any air. This went on for some time, but then I realized something.   During this difficulty I had lost my faith something so dear to my heart.  I cried out and when I restored my faith I was able to breathe again.  I do admit it did take some time, but when I made that mind shift I knew that I would get through this.  I knew that I would have guidance and I knew that I would flourish. 

I know others struggle with this optimism when the situation seems beak, but after almost a year later, from a very bleak situation  I am no longer a naked lonely tree. The buds are healthier than ever and are full of bloom.  The tree is breathtakingly gorgeous and so is my life. I am forever grateful that I shifted my thoughts and believed I would flourish.  It is so easy to get caught up in the now and the why, but if we consume our thoughts with these thoughts then we will remain in that bleak situation.

Trust in yourself and God and know that he is there to carry you out of the storm. Believe that you are going to come out of this better and not bitter.   Just remember when you call on Him he will always be with you and will be preparing for you a pasture of flourishment.

Hiccups In Life

The life we live on earth can be pretty hectic and stressful.  We tend to be in a rush were ever we go. We become impatient when we have to stand in a long line when shopping.  We sometimes take out our frustrations and impatience on the innocent customer service representative. The repercussion of this impatience affects not only just you, but all others who cross your impatient path. This negative aura follows you and has left a stream of  many impatient people in your destructive path.  This is our world, this is how many of us live.

On my commute to work I listen and observe others on the train.  Some seem happy, but the vast majority have developed frown lines of impatience and stress.  Very little seem content, at least on the commute. I often ponder why is this so?  Perhaps they are suffering a hardship, but then I think how can so many people possibly be suffering hardship.   Sometimes I just want to scream" Can you please be grateful? Why do you have to be so angry and abrupt." You have one more second, one more minute one more hour and one more day.  I would love to have another day with my hero my mother whom has parted earth.  I  am sure that my  happiness, zest for life and grateful demeanor irritates the  angry commuter which is very sad to me.

I have encountered some unbearable hardship throughout and more recently, yet instead of taking the high road to anger I choose to appreciate the simple blessing of more time or the freedom in our country.  Bitterness, anger and blame seem to be an easy scapegoat when your life is not going the way you want it  There are millions of refugees in our world that would be simply happy of having one minute of peace and freedom. They have fled their homes with nothing and can no longer have conversation with their neighbors. Everything they have worked for and lived for is gone. We are so spoiled that we have forgotten simple fundamental blessings.  People's time seems to be more valuable then freedom, a warm home and simple conversation with your neighbor.

Life will have hiccups along the way and  how we deal with these hiccups predispose our future. Hanging on to your anger or taking your anger and frustration out on others is not going to give you any harmony or peace in your life.  You are going to continue to bring negativity in your life. Similarly, the company we keep can also dictate our destiny.  If you surround yourself with negative people then the negativity will spill into your life.

We need to handle our hardships with grace and know that the most high, God, is with us through our troubling times. Sometimes you just need to ask for guidance to deal with this hardship with elegance and grace. This does not make you weak it makes you human. Test yourself for one day. When a negative thought comes your way push it out with a pleasant thought of gratitude. each day it will be easier and eventually you will notice the negative thoughts come less frequently. You will enjoy a happier peaceful existence which tends to be contagious to others. 

Don't Be Afraid of Who I Am and What I Believe

Listening is a powerful form of communication, but how many of you really listen? Being an effective listener is a gift so I have taken consideration to work on this weakness.  Even though I am engaged in conversation I can admit I don’t always listen.  My mind can wonder off for a moment, but in this moment the conversation may have its greatest meaning.

 

So why is this relevant? I tell you why it is relevant to me.  I have a long commute of two hours and forty minutes per day every day.   About twenty three hours a week. I have been graced by so many people of kind and caring personalities.  I cannot help but believe that this was a plan set out by God.  Why there are so many people that just want to talk and I gracefully listen to them. And I know they appreciate that I listen, absorb and sometimes offer up some Godly advice.  Yes that’s right Godly advice, but not the advice you may be thinking.

 So let me explain a little better. The last year had a profound impact on my life and I mean profound, words really cannot explain nor do it justice. Cancer once again had taken another precious family member of mine.  To date it has been four.  My grandmother, my father, my step-father and then my mother had succumbed. Three out of the four were below the age of seventy. It is in my opinion, the absolute worst thing to see, but then again that is all I have seen so this not meant to minimize other illness.   Each case is different and each has a different set of circumstances. My mother was probably the most difficult case to witness.  Her strength and valor were impeccable and unspeakable. My mother is my idol and is a true inspiration to me.  While she was sick I shared my blog and my Christian beliefs and she could not have been prouder. Essentially her illness and her death had a positive impact on my life.  I chose betterment and not bitterness.  I admit after her passing I slipped into a small downward spiral, but as quick as I slipped down I picked myself right back up.

So now back to the Godly advice above. The advice I give is to be grateful and count your daily blessings even opening your eyes in the morning is a mere treasure. We shall not judge others as we have no idea what their circumstances are, they may have a loved one dying.  Not to mention if you are going to cast judgments on others then you cast them upon yourself.  Lastly I advocate for forgiveness.  This is a hard one, but that anger and bitterness in my opinion is a poison to your soul and eventually your body.

It actually astounds me how many people are uncomfortable with the word Jesus.  Why is that do you suppose? If you celebrate Easter you celebrate Jesus, if you celebrate Christmas you celebrate Jesus.  It is kind of comical that if you believe and  go to church  for some reason others feel compelled to tell you that they don’t believe in that crap.  Why? Perhaps they feel that we are going to preach or perhaps they are living with some regret, guilt and fear.  Who knows?  Why is it people do not get uncomfortable when Kim Kardashian’s name is mentioned?    

 One thing I do want to clarify on my behalf is I have no desire to neither preach nor judge others who do not believe.  Essentially Jesus was a good man.  He healed the sick, helped the weak, did not judge, loved all, and forgave.  So If I want to follow in his footsteps so be it.  Being a better person and living a better life does make you a born again Christian it makes you a good Christian.  People who comment, or who are fearful should perhaps do a little research because it is evident of their ignorance to the bible.

One little interesting fact though that you will find on the internet is 86% of all money donated to the Church is provided to the community.  The highest of any registered charity.  So to those who think we are brainwashed into giving money so be it.  I like to see less fortunate people eat, have warm jackets, used laptops and many other services provided to the less fortunate.

The Church asking for donations is no different than the Canadian Cancer Society asking for donations.  So is the Canadian Cancer Society brainwashing you?  Maybe into believing that money goes into research,  they have a D rating and an enormous amount of monies raised goes into fundraising. The mortality rate for cancer is the same in 2015 as 1956 check that out too.  This is evident with my family.  As the donations increase so does the fundraising cost at the expense of the research.  So I would much rather see 86% of my dollar going to use.  

The long and skinny of it is regardless of what your beliefs are they are yours. As far as I know we still live in a Country that allows us to be us. There is no right no wrong we are all human beings so don't be afraid of me because of who I am and what I believe.

Interesting Read Below:

Moneysense Charity Grades

Where Your Charity Money Goes

CBC Cancer Society Report

My Life is Like a Butterfly

The Christmas Chest 

I rummage through the Christmas tree decorations and I am paralyzed with many emotions.  There are forty six years of memories stored in my mother’s Christmas chest.  Many of the memories are of happiness, and love but this year it is somehow very different from all other Christmases.   My heart is broken and I feel incredibly broken, but I know that as much as I grieve my mother’s passing she is here watching over me and wishing the heartache will soon subside. I gaze at the decorated tree and know that I must continue the legacy that so many of us have come to enjoy over the years. Mother has let me know in subtle ways that she is here and I am sure that she will always be here.  Her gentle reminders from afar has made me well aware of that.

My life like a butterfly it is going through a complete metamorphosis. Perhaps this loss has made me more sensitive, or more aware of my surroundings, but it has definitely had a positive impact on my life.  I read recently that those who suffer incredible loss actually have the biggest hearts and I tend to believe it.  My faith in God has kept me grounded and it is because off my faith I have been fortunate enough to have subtle communications with my mother. The seeds that I sow inside of me are starting to blossom similar to that of a caterpillar into a butterfly. This is absolutely because of my trust in God.  He has given me the harvest of my inner seeds and I will possess all of the success and riches I desire.

As I transform I encounter naysayers and people who want to push me down. Letting them get me down or enabling them to stand in the way of my dreams is allowing negativity in my life.   I choose not to verbalize my disappointment to the naysayers because if I do then I have acknowledged the behavior.  So I quietly remind myself that my dreams will come to pass regardless of others trying to push me down.

Each day is a sacred gift more so than any gift under a tree. Being healthy and happy are true blessings.  A few weeks ago I was walking to work and there was a gentleman that was blind. He was turned around and kept walking in circles in a building downtown. He kept hitting the same wall with his walking stick.  I stood quietly and observed him. He cried out “Will someone please help me?”  I went over and said “I will help you.”  And then he said” Can I hold your arm.”  And I said “Of Course.”  I led him to security. I wept a few tears of gratitude.  I was able to see the beauty of this world something many of us take for granted.  It was at that moment another metamorphosis took place.

I decided that it was time to give back to others each day.  Whether it was to give someone a smile that was not having a great day, or handing out twenties to the homeless. Seeing the outpouring of happiness of others less fortunate is one of the most wonderful emotions one can experience if it is truly from the heart.  Yes sure there are so many that give, but are you doing it for the right reasons? Or are you giving to brag to others about what you have done?

This year my Christmas tree has incredible colors, memories and shimmering lights a metaphor and the promise of new memories and a colorful future. This year the tree is different than any other. 

Overcoming Hardship in Your Life

The Train Ride of Life 

When I gaze out the train window and view the changing of the season I reflect upon the changes of my life in the last year.  The loss of my mother in a heart wrenching manner had a profound impact on my life. Her disease and her death has forever changed me and has left an emptiness that will never be filled. I also reflect on losing my dream job, a job that I had sought for so long. It is difficult to digest at times, but I have to believe that these changes will condition me and guide me to path of self-fulfillment and inner prosperity.

As the train moves towards the final destination I also think of my journey and what my final destination will look like.  Although my current destination is taking me to a new career path to financial security.  It is not taking me to the destination of self-fulfillment. Self-fulfillment does not pay the bills unfortunately.  Sometimes the path we are destined to follow, similar to the train, makes several stops along the way, but ultimately you reach your dream destination.  The caveat is you have to believe that you will reach your ultimate destination and understand that each stop along the journey may take longer than others.

I know now that I am overcoming the stop to hardship and believe that God’s plan is starting to take effect because I have faith that he is doing so. I have landed an amazing job at a reputable company, but believe this is another stop to my ultimate destination. In just a short week ironically I have met two people that can help me establish my foundation to help homeless youths. One person has had experience seeking funding from the government (specifically for youths) in the tune of 4.8 million dollars and is willing to assist me to get funding for my foundation.  The other person I met has a daughter whom is a psychologist that specializes with youths and is currently volunteering in the city.

Is this coincidence? I do not think so. The plan is starting to take place all on its own without even looking for it because my faith has led me there. I did not magically think of helping others, this was a calling a true calling when my mother was ill.  I was blessed to have this calling and although there may some turbulence and noise and by noise I mean all the naysayers I will continue to persevere.  Sometimes it so easy to give up because the plan does not come together overnight, but as long as you continue to move forward with belief and faith it will happen when it is meant to.

As the train reaches its final destination each day I have belief that I will to soon reach mine very soon as well. Never give up on your dreams move forward and know that they will not magically just happen without faith.  God has a plan for you, but be patient he wants the best for you!

The Gift of True Happiness

In Search of a Happy Heart

Over the last year I have evaluated my life and my previous transgressions and knew that there had to be a change.  I really needed to remove the mask and stop pretending like my life was a bowl of cherries when in fact I was dealing with some pretty toxic emotions.  Others would perceive me as happy go lucky, but they could not see what was truly in my heart.  I was good at wearing a mask of false emotion. I was not truly looking in my heart and evaluating what it took to make me happy.

This year brought some traumatic events and there were times that I was consumed with deep sorrow. My heart felt broken and I was not sure how to mend my heart. It is reasonable to feel loss and sorrow when you lose a loved one, but it was more than that.

I carried around bitterness, unforgiving, jealousy, strife, judgments and always felt some uncontrollable need to seek revenge on others who had wronged me. I would contemplate and conspire how I would get them back.  Although the outer me seemed happy the inner me was absolutely miserable and despite my many attempts to be happy inside, the other poisonous emotions would push the happiness out.

Then I wondered how many others were also wearing a false mask of emotion. I mean it seemed so easy to pretend to be happy. I thought what does happiness feel like? Sad to say I know. There would be times I would be at a social gathering and I would be happy in that moment, but I honestly did not know what true happiness was, and wondered if I would ever know. This was so troubling to me that I decided to pursue a mission of happiness and how to truly feel happiness in my heart.

Along my mission I was able to finally identify what true happiness was and have been working diligently to keep my heart happy.  The points below helped

• Letting it go. Not allowing people or situations to get to me.
• Focusing on the good and not the bad.
• Forgiving others
• Not to judge others
• Trust in God he will take me out of troubled times and he will take care of my enemies it is not up to me too.
• From the moment I open my eyes blessed to have lived another day, and that I can see the day!

Granted it takes work and perseverance and it is so easy to revert back and I have had a few setbacks but I can actually see the rewards of my discipline.  To give you an example I recently lost my job (which was a blessing) and had three interviews for three top firms in Canada. Two of the firms I was not warm and fuzzy about, but the other was a dream.  All of the interviews went well, but I had not received a call back.  I became discouraged but as quickly as I became discouraged I meditated and switched my thinking. Two hours later the dream prospect job had emailed me.  So it proves that if you place your trust in God he will help you prosper.

I now know what happiness in the heart feels like and it is a wonderful powerful emotion. Much more power than the negative.  It also has a much stronger force than the alternative. 

Which Face Are You Wearing Today?

I often have handed over trust to others that are not deserving of it and have been told that this is a weakness.  It is disappointing that I have to admit this is a weakness and not a strength.  My belief is that we are to treat others as we would want to be treated.  Time and time again I have seen others throw each other under the bus for what appears to be no reason at all.  It may be because these people possess exuberance and confidence and these attributes may make others feel insecure.   I have stopped trying to figure it out but these are not the ways of a healthy soul.

You see my philosophy has been and will always be to see the best in everyone.  There is one attribute in every single soul that is admirable.   Call me naive I don’t know but, the one thing I cannot seem to control is the multiple faces of humans.

In society we call this multiple personality disorder which requires a psychiatrist to assess and perhaps prescribe meds or offer counselling, yet in our day to day there are millions of humans that possess these unhealthy qualities.  To provide insight have you ever engaged in an uncomfortable conversation about someone? Said unpleasant things about them, and then minutes later you smile and say hello as if nothing was said?  How have you truly felt inside about this?  Probably not all warm and fuzzy is a good assumption right?

 So what do you call this then?  I call this multiple face disorder.  Are we to live in a world where we feel compelled to put on a different face with the different people we interact with daily?  I don’t think this is the way to we are intended to be.  We have lost sight of what humanity truly is and how we are supposed to behave. Why do we struggle to be true to others and to ourselves?  Are you able to wake up and wear one face and be genuine and true to humankind?  Trusting others is a strength not a weakness.  The weakness is we have actually come to believe that it is!

The Gift of Life: The Glass is Half Full not Empty!

Each of us in life embark on a different journey or path and once that path has completed or we completed what we are here to do, then we move on we die. Death is something none of us want to think of, but it is part of our life and if you are spiritually healthy and have your faith you will view death as a beginning and not an end.



Life has taken me thus far on an unforgettable journey. This journey has taught me many important things and has taken me on a path of faith and spirituality. One of which after reading this blog some will be truly perplexed as to how I could still have faith after the many challenges and journey’s I have embarked upon.


The story of my survival absolutely has to do with my faith in Jesus Christ and his father we call god because without their continuous belief in me and my belief in them I would have shattered or ended up institutionalized by now.


My journey has taken me through unforgivable acts of abuse, financial hardship, disease and loss. And through all of this I have still remained positive and spiritually healthy. I believe my new path in life is to share my journey with others so that they may restore their faith in whatever they believe in or have started to lose hope or have lost hope all together. To look at life as a precious gift and that the glass is half full and not half empty. By understanding and truly believing that we have the power to send out in to the universe what we receive.


I have witnessed such unbelievable events along my journey we call life, which no amount of science can explain. Only the acts of our god can explain and the love I have bared for him since a young child that was abused. I often hear what kind of god would do that? Why would god let small children suffer from disease and death? Why do bad things happen to good people? I have come to realize that through our journey we may never completely have the answers to these questions and that could be perhaps the most perplexing thing in our lives to accept. I have now started to accept that there may not answers to some of the events of our lives and that is okay too. We just have to accept that we may never receive the answers and have the inner peace to accept that.