A Contaminated Soul Healed

There are times in our lives that there seems to be no end to our hardships.  There is one mountain after another to climb. Sometimes each mountain seems higher then the one before.  It is so easy to get discouraged with the endless journey of hardship and bad breaks. If we let our hardships and bad breaks define our present and our future then the hardship will continue to progress into even bigger mountains.

I spent most of my life wallowing in my hardships and continuously focusing on my problems it was nearly impossible to see the good.  My thoughts consumed me day and night and I honestly thought that there was no end to the hardship.  I had accepted that this was the way of my life and that nothing would come easy.  Life was a battle a very difficult journey.  This journey was turning me into a very bitter and vengeful person. I did not have the capacity or the know how to snap out of it. It just kept perpetuating and eating away at my soul until there was virtually nothing left of it.  Just an angry bitter soul that did not even know what happiness was anymore.  Anger was the only emotion I knew and happy people just annoyed me. I felt robbed and cheated and hated life. I went about my daily business, but did so miserably.


 This went on for many years. After my father died it became even worse.  At this point I thought I was living in hell on earth. Everyone thought I was this happy go lucky person, but they had no idea the anger I had buried inside of me. This toxic poison was destroying my life, but I was to blind to see it because the anger clouded my judgement to be a reasonable person. People who were close to me started drifting away. To stubborn to see at the time I blamed them and abolished them from my life.  I did not even have the capacity to forgive at that time because I did not have the capacity to forgive myself.

When my marriage fell apart it forced me to take a good look at myself.  I was a monster so consumed with the hardship I could not see what was right in front of me.  A healthy life and a healthy family.  I was employed and lived in a beautiful home. I spent many nights crying alleviating my soul of all of  the anger.  I appreciated everything I took for granted, but was it to late?  Was the damage already done?  No it was not.

I reached out to God and asked for his forgiveness and his guidance.  Each day I asked for his guidance I started to notice small differences.  The anger was subsiding and I was now seeing the world in a new light. I realized that I was not a victim I was a survivor.  I was grateful for my life and the many blessings I had. Once I adopted that mindset my life began to change radically. 

When we face a challenge it is only temporary and that if we remain in faith we will be flourished with blessings.  Our journey does not always go they way we want it too. The old saying goes "God will only give you what you can handle." I know now that God has handed me a lot, but I also know that he knows I am strong enough to handle it. I feel privileged that he sees me as a strong person and I know that with challenges comes blessings.  I also realize that life is a series of tests and tribulations and how we deal with them pave our path. Despite the challenges we face we need to trust that God knows what he is doing.  He will command blessings over you if you remain in faith.  He will align the right resources at the right time.  

Do not spend another day, hour, or moment in a negative mindset as I did for much of my life. Especially do not speak the thoughts out loud because you are bringing your thoughts to life. Once you bring them to life you are setting yourself up for disappointment allowing the negativity to control your life.  No matter how dire your situation is now trust it is only temporary. 

There will always be people in your life that will want to push you down, say your not good enough, wont be successful, your a lousy parent and so much more.  Do not let the naysayers steal your soul.   Their opinions do not matter because you are a child of the most high and he thinks you are the best.  His opinion is the only one that matters!  Fill and nourish your soul daily with gratitude and goodness and push out the anger, the worry and the stress. This is not always an easy endeavor and it takes immense patience and practice, but if you persevere you can celebrate a life of happiness.